I sit still,
staring into the quiet,
and try to pull your face
from the fog that’s swallowed it whole.
I close my eyes,
searching for the sound of your voice,
but it’s slipping—
like the last few notes of a song
fading into silence.
How can something I once heard
every day
become so distant?
I try to conjure your smile,
but it’s blurry now,
like a photo left too long in the sun.
I tell myself I haven’t forgotten.
I can’t.
But the more I reach for you,
the further you fall
into the corners of my mind
where the light is too dim to see clearly.
There was a time
when your laughter could fill a room,
and now I sit in that same room,
listening to the echoes,
wondering how I could lose
something I never thought I’d have to hold onto so tightly.
Some days,
I ache to remember.
Other days,
I’m terrified that I will.
And in between,
I live with the fear
that one day I’ll forget you completely,
that you’ll be just a feeling,
a warmth,
a weight I carry
but can no longer name.
I want to keep you,
whole and sharp in my mind,
but you are already fading,
softening around the edges,
like the dusk creeping over the day.
And all I have left
are the moments I didn’t know
I would one day have to fight so hard to keep.
Written: 2024
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