I Want to Want the Right Things

I want to wake up and not measure myself against the world. 

I want to laugh without wondering if someone else’s joy 

is somehow stealing from mine.

I want to stand in a room and not count the ways

someone else is better, brighter, 

more deserving of the space they take up.

I want to want things that are mine to have, 

not the things that were never meant for me, 

not the lives I’ve only seen from the outside, 

not the versions of myself that only exist in the what ifs.

I don’t want to stop feeling. 

I don’t want to go numb. 

I just want to stop keeping score.

And maybe, just maybe, 

if I stop gripping so tight, 

my hands will finally be free 

to hold something real.

Written: 2025