If I Say It (A Song)

[Verse 1]

You called me just to tell me a joke

And I laughed too loud, ‘cause what else do I do

When every normal thing you say

Sounds like something I could fall into

And I hate myself for thinking

You look good in that worn-out shirt

Like, why do I even notice that

You’re my best friend, this should hurt

[Pre-Chorus]

And I keep my hands in my pockets

‘Cause they don’t know where to go

When you look at me like that

Like maybe you already know

[Chorus]

If I say it, does it ruin us?

If I hold it, does it eat me up?

Every silence feels like screaming

Every smile feels like a dare

And I swear you must feel something

But I’m too scared to check, too scared

‘Cause I’d rather have you halfway

Than lose you for the truth I bear

[Verse 2]

We talk about your crushes still

And I nod like it’s fine, like my heart’s not breaking

You ask if I’m seeing someone new

I lie just to keep us from shaking

And you tell me I’m your favorite person

And I laugh like I don’t care

But my hands start trembling anyway

‘Cause I know I’ll never say it fair

[Pre-Chorus]

You say “goodnight,” I hang up slow

And whisper “I love you” to the dial tone

[Chorus]

If I say it, does it ruin us?

If I hold it, does it eat me up?

Every silence feels like screaming

Every smile feels like a dare

And I swear you must feel something

But I’m too scared to check, too scared

‘Cause I’d rather have you halfway

Than lose you for the truth I bear

[Bridge]

And it’s cruel, this almost-love

Like a secret that won’t stop humming

Every word I don’t say, every joke I swallow

Every night I replay what’s coming

You touch my shoulder, laugh too close

And my heart forgets how to behave

God, I wish I didn’t want you

In every stupid, quiet way

[Outro]

If I say it, does it ruin us?

If I keep it, will I fade?

I don’t want to lose my best friend

But I’m so tired of the ache

Written: 2025